To Sail the High Seas: England x Reader ch20

Chapter 20

You’d watched blankly as her corpse was removed from the room and the bloodstains were carelessly washed away. Within the hour, it was almost as if no-one had died at your hands and it had all been some hideous joke. You would have believed it too, had the poor girl’s face not flashed behind your eyelids when you so much as blinked. Her confusion which turned to betrayal, and betrayal which turned to disgust. The visions plagued your shaken mind as her face morphed into yours; a doppelganger who spat out words of hatred at your actions.
Murderer.
Killer.
Monster.
Pirate.
With a jolt, your eyes snapped open and you realised that you were clinging to the captain for dear life. He who had made you into the vile creature which had stolen the life of another. He who should have died instead of the girl who was just another tortured soul like you. He who held you so gently, not caring that your blood-stained hands were attached to his once crisp white shirt, nor making any attempt to remove you. With deep breaths, you began to regain some control of your thoughts, processing the events and trying to justify your actions with twisted logic. Finally you found your tongue, and managed to croak out the question which was plaguing your mind. Your voice was raspy, and your throat burned from sobbing, but you didn’t care. You needed answers.
“Why… Why did it have to be you?”
“Whatever do you mean love?” You looked up from where your face had been buried in his chest to meet curious green eyes.
You hated how unperturbed the captain was by the stench of death which was draped over the cabin like a foul web. You hated how he was able to look at you, you who had butchered an innocent, with so much affection, and even pride. Most of all, you hated how there was a small part of you which didn’t resent him for the monster he had created; the beast which had risen from the desperation which had boiled in that dank room, as your merchant mind concocted a plan which would free your from those rusty shackles. That plan had never involved slaughter. Manipulation and deceit, yes, but never the death of an innocent.
“__________?” You realised you had yet to answer the man who held you so tenderly. That was never part of the plan either - kindness. He was supposed to be the loathsome pirate who had denied you your freedom. When had he become Arthur in more than just name? It sickened you, and yet your body acted of its own violation, pulling him towards you desperately.
“Make me forget.”
He is detestable.
“I know you can do it.”
He is a means to an end, nothing more.
“Please Arthur.” Your eyes were welling up with tears again, and your scrambled thoughts could piece together no better alternative.
How unsightly.
You remembered the first time he had kissed you; how difficult it had been to retain some logical thought, to concentrate on anything other than the lust which sparked between your lips and his. At the time it had been embarrassing to say the least, if not utterly mortifying when you looked back on it. Now you needed to forget. For the first time in your life, you didn’t want to think, you were tired of planning and weighing up your options. It was your selfish desire for freedom which had ended in death. If she’d killed the captain, your only lifeline on the ship would have been cut and everything you’d done up until that point would have been in vain. Seeing as there had been no guarantee that Allistor could have protected you, the cold and calculating part of your mind had come to one simple conclusion: the girl had to go. So now she was gone.
Don’t think anymore.

It wasn’t often that Arthur Kirkland was caught off-guard. He prided himself in the ability to accurately judge a situation, and predict the possible - and often likely - outcomes. Therefore when he had gathered you up in his arms and held you as tremors raked your body, the last thing he would have expected from the evening was the predicament which he currently found himself in. Your lips were pressed firmly against his and he instinctively returned the gesture, welcoming your sweet flavour gladly. It was not until he tasted the warm, salty droplets which tumbled down your cheeks that he pulled back.
This is wrong.
He barely had time to open his mouth in protest before you were upon him again, your tongue practically begging his to play along. He let out a muffled grunt of surprise at your boldness. Never before had you initiated the more… physical encounters between the two of you. Teasing and banter were your battlefield, hence this sudden lust from you struck him as abnormal. Disregarding the portion of his mind which screamed at him to indulge you, Arthur once again pulled back.
“Stop-” You silenced him once more, roughly this time.
She clearly wants this, why not oblige?
Resolutely tearing you from his body, the blond man gripped your shoulders with determination, holding you at arm’s length. A deep frown creased his brow as he watched the tears continue to stream down your flushed cheeks. After a moment, you stopped resisting and your shoulders sagged in defeat.
“Why?” You croaked that one question again and again until whispers became screams of desperation and anguish. “Why can’t you be a detestable man!? Of all the pirates in the world why did it have to you!?”
“Love, I-”
“Just Stop! Stop being so nice to me! I’m supposed to hate you!” Your fist beat against his chest repeatedly, but the blows had no real force behind them and you found yourself whimpering into his chest once again. Strong arms wrapped around you comfortingly, and his lips pressed themselves softly against your forehead. Your heavy eyelids began to succumb to exhaustion, and the blond rocked you soothingly, ignoring the insults you choked out between hiccups and sobs.
“I hate you. I hate you so damn much…”